My daughter has started school and the change curve has hit us hard - harder than switching from Apple to Android!
Six weeks of holidays has finally come to an end and a new chapter is starting every day at six o'clock. As many others, my daughter has a mixture of tiredness, excitement and fear. Her first year at school has started. She is excited, but the unknown of what lies ahead is a daunting experience and we all know that overwhelming feeling. Being the loss of a loved one, a new job, the end of an old job or moving house.
The grief of loss of what was familiar and the fear of facing the unknown, and feeling incompetent, no matter how much we thought we might have been prepared.
As a progressivist, I often underestimate the impact change has on others and the turmoil of starting school highlighted again where I can be more mindful and the importance of emotional guidance through the stages of change.
The four stages described here are based on the Kübler-Ross Change Curve, originally developed to explain the grieving process. Since then it has been adapted and applied to understand personal transitions and organizational change. I applied it to understand the process of starting school and how to support my daughter through these stages.
Shock & Denial - What was your reaction the last time you were given a new unfamiliar task - were you resistant to step out of your comfort zone? Though my daughter's eyes were lit up with excitement on Day 1, the "Deer in the Headlights" look that she had was unmistakable. It went from "the best day of my life" to “Why am I here?” and “I want to go back to Kindergarten and play!” The excitement around the count-down and treats seemed to have lost its spark.
Anger & Frustration - When the reality of 5-days-a-week school set in, and she realized painting whenever you want is not on the agenda anymore, there were tears and sadness for that what was left behind.
Bargaining - "I will go to school today, but tomorrow I stay home, ok?" Luckily in Germany it is against the law to keep kids at home for no reason and I utilized her love for rules to drive this point home. The challenge for me is the fine balance between giving her a sense of control in the process and remaining rigid towards the end-goal. Continued small routines from the past helps and establishing rewards for small wins. (Some may call this bribery)
Depression - "I can't do it" and some silent days has marked our darkest days so far. The need to be supportive and caring is sometimes so hard, when you are navigating your own emotional journey through life's rollercoaster as well. Hence the need for leaders to be self-aware if they are going to provide supportive environments to allow people to express their concerns and emotions around change.
Experimentation - On Day 5 she reports that she found a restroom further away from the classroom so she has more time to stretch her legs! That's us trying to find shortcuts in new processes—finding sneaky ways to gain benefit in what is new. A pivotal moment! Of course I did not encourage this, however proud I am of her finding new ways and exploring.
Acceptance & Integration - Eventually, her desire to learn won and she is finding school "cool".
The key to success is finding the right techniques to deal with each stage as described by Procheska in 'Change for good'. Parents and organizations can support those entrusted to them through difficult and sometimes traumatic changes by providing the emotional 'tools' needed to manage each stage.
Change always starts with a question of purpose and identity. My daughter's ultimate motivation came from moving from a 'Kindergarten' child to being a 'schoolchild'. In her case it was a positive development with increased prestige, albeit with some loss of standing initially. If the identity or purpose is not attractive, the change will fail at the start. Incorporating choice in the matter of change is vital as we all want to feel a sense of power and control in the change process. Organizations using an open-source approach by engaging its people, see better change adoption vs top-down models. Chiu, M., & Salerno, H. (2019). 'Changing change management'. in Gartner.
While it might seem daunting (and entertaining) to watch our kids navigate the emotional rollercoaster of change, we could also learn from their resilience. Armed with tools to cope, a little humour, and a lot of love, can we turn our scary curves into a fun-filled theme park ride? 🎢
So the next time we are faced with change, let's channel our inner first-grader - gold star stickers for everyone! ⭐